Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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