he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
