your thong is hanging out like whoa
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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