I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
its liver damage thursday
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
