dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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