I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
