There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
