mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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