You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
