we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
