omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
