A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
