i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
