she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
