So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A+ Viking dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
