Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
