sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize