are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
