My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
