She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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