I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
