Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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