My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
