3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
