paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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