I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
