hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
