p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
