Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
