Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
