Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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