i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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