you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
