guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
