Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
