I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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