:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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