I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
