I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think i have herpe
just one?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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