so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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