over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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