I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
