Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
