Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
