Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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