I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
