The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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