this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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