Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
