The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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