I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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