it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize