look no pants
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
