I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
