Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
