you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
