Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
that's an acceptable place to lick
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
