That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
