talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
