I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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