Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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