i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
