There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The power of my boobs compel you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
