I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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