is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
