Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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