I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
