I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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