Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
