can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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