He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All the doctor said was why
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
