I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
