Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
