The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
