Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
