My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
