last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
