I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
