I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
